Bedroom Banter

"I don't know why I keep this thing, it's hideous."

"It reminds me of a totem pole. You know, the ones the Japanese make."

"The Japanese don't make totem poles - that's Native Americans."

"Anyone can make a pole. My mom said she caught gramma swinging around one when she was a teenager."

"Um, I don't think we're talking about the same type of pole."

"My aunt Nancy was a stripper. She said she used to do laps all the time."

"Laps? You make it sound like a track meet!"

"Maybe it was, I mean...she had a lot of energy."

"Are you guys going to help me with this or what?"

"I think you should keep it. Your uncle gave it to you when you were twelve. Look at it like it's a family emblem."

"I think she means heirloom and I say get rid of it."

"Maybe I'll just put it in the basement, that way if he visits I can show him that I still have it."

"Oh, that reminds me, my cousin is coming to stay with us this summer. She got busted smoking pot and making out with some guy behind the school. Uncle Jay wasn't too happy to find out his angel lost her virginity."

"Virginity, please she lost that two years ago with my brother."

"What?"

"She's a hot mess."

"Why is it that every time you guys come over here we end up talking about sex?"

"Hey, you're the one that started talking about poles and visitations. We're just following your flow."

"Following your flow? Where the hell do you get these lines from?"

"Hip hop."

"I can't put this in the basement. It just seems wrong. Look how precious it is."

"Precious! Five minutes ago you said it was ugly."

"Hideous, she said it was hideous."

"What's the difference?"

"Maybe you need a change of scenery. Let's go hang out at Starbucks."

"Starbucks! Who the hell hangs out at Starbucks?"

"People that read. In case you haven't noticed, I'm into intellectuals."

"Look, I don't care where we go. Let's just get out of here."

"We need to start spending less time in your bedroom anyway. Some of the conversations we have are triflin."